One Year Today

As we travel down the road of life... we never know where the road will lead.

As families, we grab hands and move forward... in faith really.



One year ago today, my husband Peter was diagnosed with cancer. He had just had a large mass removed from his back torso days earlier, and we were waiting for the results.

He'd just gotten home from Colin's baseball game. I was sitting on our back porch with him. I said to him, "it's weird that we didn't hear from the doctor today..."

Then he looked right at me, with that "look" and said, "we did."

I knew it couldn't be good. My stomach did one of those flip flops -- and I sorta just braced myself for what I was about to hear.

The word cancer is just plain scary. It's the one word you just never want to come in contact with--- ever. But here is was.. sitting on our back porch with us. It had made it's way into our life.

I had heard it once before, in 2004. I had been diagnosed with skin cancer...melanoma! But one little surgery sent it away-- pretty much end of story.
This one though--- I could tell--- it wanted to hang around.

I had no idea that night... that the journey we had just begun would change our lives forever.

After Peter shared the news--- we held each other. I didn't cry.... yet. I think I was still processing what I just heard. They said they were going to have to removed his chest wall.... woa! Peter went into the house... for one of the kids.... and that's when the tears poured out.

And that's when I had my moment with God. Just him And I! I'd been in this place before to a certain degree-- the place of decision. The place where you say, "Do I trust God or do I fall apart in despair?"

I've seen Him walk me through life for over 23 years... so my desicion was not difficult. I just surrendered to Him immediately. I know that our lives have meaning and purpose. And that somehow He is in control of it-- if we allow Him to be.

And I certainly was not about to try to steer this boat..

So my conversation with Him was simple. "I know you love us.. I don't understand but I trust you-- .. no matter what."

I feel like this decision was really just a gift-- not some heroic display on my part. But a small gift of faith-- given at a perfect moment. A measure a grace extended to me.

So like little Jason below...I just began to try to steady myself. To focus-- to look at each step carefully.



I had JUST finished my Christmas Card... a true first. Christmas cards done in October? Crazy-- But it was done... one week before all of this. And the card spoke of LIFE. That's what I kept seeing on it.. over and over again, the word LIFE.



That's what I now had to believe for. LIFE-- Abundant life. Through this-- on the other side!


So here we are... one year later. We have journeyed through cancer not only once... but twice with Peter. He was diagnosed with a 2nd type of cancer in July. Again this visitor made it's way back in.

And we are still on this journey---

holding hands
moving forward
believing.....

FOR LIFE!

Along the way....

We have seen so much beauty in others-- and in their love toward us.
We have seen rainbows of promise.
We have seen our children... live and love-- in the midst of cancer.
We have seen that some of the darkest and most difficult days still carry a light of hope.
And we have seen the goodness and faithfulness God walk alongside us....every single step of the way.

I do believe that there will be an end to this journey. That cancer will leave our lives... just as it came in.

And that this journey will serve some greater purpose in each of our lives.. in a way that will only be revealed as we continue to live.

When I asked God to show me a rainbow... He showed me several. But they were photos. Being a photographer.. those photos have been powerful.

And He had been showing me MANY in the sky for weeks...until I asked for one.
That's when I began to see photos of rainbows!

He's showed many of YOU rainbows in the sky... my son Colin included.

But somehow I believe ... that when Peter is healed. When he is cancer-free..
That's when I'll get my rainbow in the sky --

So I keep looking-- everyday!