From the heart....

I wanted to take a moment to thank my wonderful friend Melissa Jill for the family photos she recently took. I cherish her friendship and her photography is a truly a gift the Lord has given her to share with the world!

XOXO Melissa!!

To see the entire post go to: Pakulis Family Photos



Well... as you now know, life has been back into high gear a bit! It's been a very sort of surreal time for us. I continue to try stay focused on my family, my photography and certainly my faith. It is truly what sustains me.

I will simply say this... that even with our new situation, I continue to believe. Through this entire journey, I've asked many times, has the plan changed Lord? The answer that I always seem to get is that I am to continue to beLIeVE. So unless I hear otherwise...that's what I do.

I beLIeVE!

Time to share......

My amazing photographer friend Melissa Jill has just posted photos of our family.

http://www.melissajill.net/

She has also shared about our situation. I have kept quiet about this... waiting for the right time. I must say it was nice to just have the news come out without hav...ing to explain it all. Honestly, I'm a bit fatigued in that department.

I am so grateful for her request for prayers for my husband. Will you join us in praying for healing for Peter? We continue to hope & beLIeVE. xoxo

A Special Day~

I know that today is April Fools Day... so here you go. I'm pregnant!!!
APRIL FOOLS ( I wish) Anyway, but this day has more significance to our family!

One year ago... my husband was healed of his 1st Cancer-- Liposarcoma.
It is a day that I will NEVER forget.

I sat at Cedar Sinai in LA-- waiting after a 4 hour surgery... to hear those wonderful words "clean margins!" I can't describe the emotion that you feel --- it's really something beyond words. All I can say is the emotion of that day is seared into my heart... like no other.

SO................ today the Pakulis Family Celebrates the first victory over Cancer... and we rejoice in God's miracles!

I have put together this video... mostly to honor our God who is so Faithful and to remember HIS great works in our lives!

I hope you are blessed!

Pati



(you may want to go below and turn off the music - before starting video)

"...do not fear, just believe" - Mark 5:36

After 18 months ~ 2 rare forms of cancer ~ 5 surgeries, radiation.. twice ~ chemo therapy ~countless prayers ~ faith ~ rainbows ~ clouds and fire~ medical expertise ~ the faithfulness of God ~ and a request to BeLIeVE..........

My husband Peter is now CANCER FREE!!




So we gathered together tonite. Shared a beautiful meal from a wonderful servant named Kate.. and we had communion. Then we lit this menorah.

I purchased this when Peter was healed of the first cancer... liposarcoma on April 1st, 2008. I really wanted something special that would help our family to always remember and celebrate the day that God healed Peter. This menorah from the Cedar Sinai hospital seemed perfect for some reason. After all, Cedar Sinai is a Jewish hospital.

Little did I know then that our journey was not at all over.

My desire was that this menorah would be used every April 1st. We would light the candles and simply remember and honor what God did for Peter. A new family tradition was birthed.

However tonight--- it was pulled early.

After today... we know that our family will now light our candles TWICE a year.... to honor the God that has so faithfully answered our prayers and the prayers of so many others.

Tonight, we share our light with you---- God has healed Peter once again. He used competent doctors to help destroy cancer.

And all we can say is that God IS Faithful..... always.

From the deepest part of our soul, we THANK YOU ALL

forever grateful,
Pati

Resting In California

Peter & I have been at my parents home all week.. resting with my husband. He is doing very well! We meet with his surgeon tomorrow for a follow up visit... then we head back home to Arizona. We hope they have a final pathology report for us..... we know that things look very good.

The surgeon did say that Peter may want to consider one more round of chemotherapy as sort of a final precaution. So that will most likely take place in the next week or so.

As much as we miss our children, it has been so good to just rest this week... without the distractions of our usual daily life.

I did want to share this photo earlier in the week... but I had forgotten my memory card reader back in Arizona.

This framed photo was on Peter's floor while he was staying at Cedar Sinai. I saw it the first time I was heading to Peter's hospital room.

I has to take this photo SO quickly... I Los Angeles, if you have anything that looks like a decent camera at Cedar Sinai, they think your the paparazzi..... seriously! I learned this the hard way.

So yes.... I did SNEEK this photo... I confess! But I just had to have it. What I loved the most was that the rainbow also had a picture of a heart next to it.

And all I can tell you is that when I saw this... I knew it was God's way of not only showing me another rainbow....but He was also telling me that how much He loves us!

Fulfilling a promise ... with great love!

We love you all!

Pati

Back to Cedar Sinai

April 1st--- 2008 Cedar Sinai --My husband was healed from Cancer. Liposarcoma to be exact.

After radiation and 3 surgeries, we heard the words "Cancer free"

I will NEVER in my life... forget that day.

July of 2008 Peter was diagnosed with cancer again---- this time it was a totally different type of cancer--- small cell neuro-endocrine carcinoma.....and it was aggressive. Extremely---- as his oncologist would say, it was "extraordinarily rare."

So---after a surgery, a large biopsy, radiation again, and some very aggressive chemo---

Here I am again... back at Cedar Sinai... waiting.

I know where things are here.... and I began the day in the chapel. This place always feels SO safe to me.

Peter has been amazing---- he's worked as much as he possibly could throughout both cancers. He has endured so much physically... yet he would simply say that it's mostly been an inconvenience.
He never complains---

He's had enduring faith in the God that he knows to be faithful.

And to me.... he has never been more beautiful.

I just wanted to take a moment to honor my husband today----

For fighting the fight... for walking through the valley of the shadow of death-- literally......with faith and dignity.

God has sustained Peter and I from the moment this began. He is our hope and our strength--always.

I sit here at Cedars with a quiet hope and faith---that I will hear those words again.....Cancer free.

I beLIeVe

One more lap.....

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for your continued prayers and support for the Pakulis family. As you know, Peter finished chemo over a month ago. Well, we wanted to share some great news we received today.

The most recent PET scan found an 85% reduction in the tumor activity of the sinus!!

We are so thankful for this!! The goal from the beginning was to decrease the tumor size and activity prior to surgery. So this has been accomplished!



Surgery is scheduled for next Monday, February 23rd. It will be in California at Cedar Sinai once again. The surgery is still very involved… so your continued prayers are so deeply appreciated.

It feels like the final leg of a long race… and though there is still a major surgery on the table—healing feels closer than ever.

Again, we thank you for all of your wonderful love & support. For your longevity in continuing to pray for our needs throughout. For your amazing generosity and giving that has helped sustain our family. God has used your love and prayers to carry us through. He has been SO faithful every step of the way.

The scripture below is from Peter--- it has been such a strength to him during this battle!

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.”
Psalm 50:15


Bless you all---

Love,

Pati Pakulis

I Rejoice...

Today is my precious husband's FINAL DAY of chemotherapy!

I have cried many tears today---happy tears-- for the completion of this part of the journey.

All I can say-- is that God is Faithful! Always!!

I love you Peter!!




(This was the rainbow in the valley on Peter's final day of radiation)

An Amazing Gift!

During December, my husband had one of his closest friends come out all the way from Canandaigua, New York-- for a visit. Jaydon Hoffman-- or as we call him, Jaydo!

Jaydo has a beautiful family -- Anne his wife and his four children...Laura, Amy, Brian and Megan.

At the end of his visit--he gave us one of the most amazing gifts we've ever recieved.

This was made with so much love and thoughtfulness... by each of his children.
I was just blown away! Peter even more so... to say the least.

I just HAD to share it with you, it is beautiful.
I think of it as "Portraits of Promise"



Each Child from the Hoffman Family contributed...

Laura:


Amy:


Brian:


Megan



So here Is ONE BIG FAT KISS FOR THE HUFFMAN KIDS---XOXOX
We LOVE this! Thank you so much!

And one last photo--- of Jaydo and Kukas



(I snuck this one in Jaydo) ;-) Love you All!

Pati

First Things First

Happy New Year Everyone!

I wanted to start the year out with a personal update. This is a very big week for the Pakulis Family. My husband will have his FINAL session of chemotherapy this week!! Then he's DONE with chemo!

We are thrilled! He has truly endured much throughout this journey-- and I am so grateful to see this portion of the treatment come to an END.

I have included a photo I took of he and Alissa over the holidays..... I love this one!

We thank you for your continued love and prayers on this journey!
with love - the pakulis family

For Pete

Jim - Kevin - John - Lorraine

Brother + brother + brother + Sister in law = love

SO Thankful for a double perfect Rainbow!

Yesterday was my husband's last day of radiation!

It rained throughout the morning.

At about 5 pm I was sitting at the computer reading a facebook message... I noticed the lighting outside was really vibrant. The sun had come out---

I am not kidding, the thought came to my mind...Go outside and look for a rainbow.

I was just about to type that into facebook... that I was going to go look for a rainbow.

The telephone rang... it was Peter. He was at the office and said, "go outside... there is the most amazing rainbow"

I walked to my backyard... adn saw the most BEAUTIUL, Perfectly round double rainbow. It was unbelieveble.



Ouf phone rang again--- my friend Katie calls-- Do you see the rainbow?" she asks......

I recieved calls from my friends Bambi, Lonna, Johnnie.. a text from Shawna.

This rainbow lasted almost 20 minutes!

My girls and I were freaking out--- I was trying to get my camera... switching lenses, I was just So amazed--- at first I could bearly think straight to get my shots.



I was in my backyard on out our balcony-- and couldn't get a photo of the full rainbow--
( a good excuse to invest in a wide-angle lens someday)

But it was nothing short of specatacular!



My friend Clint came over later and gave me these photos he had taken for me while driving.

He got the whole rainbow in these 3 shots: (thank you so much Clint!)






So I must say that I think God is the sweetest gift-giver in the world. Our family had decided that this year we would not cook a thanksgiving meal. That because Peter can't really eat much-- that we didn't want the smell of turkey and pie to fill our home.

I was just thankful that radiation had finally come to an end-- and we were just going to lay very low.

This rainbow was the greatest Thanksgiving gift ever. I love the fact that Peter saw it first--- and called me. This rainbow was for him! A Double rainbow--

He had not yet seen one this entire time!

The night before I had just read from my soak journal this scripture from Matthew 21:22
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask in prayer."

I beLIeVe!!



We wish you the greastest Thanksgiving filled with Faith and Belief -

love-
The Pakulis Family

Continuing to believe

9 days left of radiation. And.. Peter is halfway through chemo therapy.
Three sessions down, three more to go. We're halfway there.



These blocks were my little treat one day. My best spent $15 in a long time. I love looking at them everyday.

They remind me that the day is coming when treatment will be over. They remind me to believe for healing and for life... a life more abundant.

In the midst of this challenge I am seeing new signs of life. I am seeing new beginnings, and new horizons.

As Peter walks out this journey, and I watch the death of cells through chemotherapy take place in his body... and the effect from that, it is difficult to watch.

Yet I am also able to see the birth of new life and new cells taking place. I see how God has amazingly designed our bodies to renew life from within... and that is what I believe for. Life restored, life renewed.

This word believe.... this little tiny verb, has been my gift. Along with faith, I think it is one of the most powerful things we can do in our life... is to simply believe.

One Year Today

As we travel down the road of life... we never know where the road will lead.

As families, we grab hands and move forward... in faith really.



One year ago today, my husband Peter was diagnosed with cancer. He had just had a large mass removed from his back torso days earlier, and we were waiting for the results.

He'd just gotten home from Colin's baseball game. I was sitting on our back porch with him. I said to him, "it's weird that we didn't hear from the doctor today..."

Then he looked right at me, with that "look" and said, "we did."

I knew it couldn't be good. My stomach did one of those flip flops -- and I sorta just braced myself for what I was about to hear.

The word cancer is just plain scary. It's the one word you just never want to come in contact with--- ever. But here is was.. sitting on our back porch with us. It had made it's way into our life.

I had heard it once before, in 2004. I had been diagnosed with skin cancer...melanoma! But one little surgery sent it away-- pretty much end of story.
This one though--- I could tell--- it wanted to hang around.

I had no idea that night... that the journey we had just begun would change our lives forever.

After Peter shared the news--- we held each other. I didn't cry.... yet. I think I was still processing what I just heard. They said they were going to have to removed his chest wall.... woa! Peter went into the house... for one of the kids.... and that's when the tears poured out.

And that's when I had my moment with God. Just him And I! I'd been in this place before to a certain degree-- the place of decision. The place where you say, "Do I trust God or do I fall apart in despair?"

I've seen Him walk me through life for over 23 years... so my desicion was not difficult. I just surrendered to Him immediately. I know that our lives have meaning and purpose. And that somehow He is in control of it-- if we allow Him to be.

And I certainly was not about to try to steer this boat..

So my conversation with Him was simple. "I know you love us.. I don't understand but I trust you-- .. no matter what."

I feel like this decision was really just a gift-- not some heroic display on my part. But a small gift of faith-- given at a perfect moment. A measure a grace extended to me.

So like little Jason below...I just began to try to steady myself. To focus-- to look at each step carefully.



I had JUST finished my Christmas Card... a true first. Christmas cards done in October? Crazy-- But it was done... one week before all of this. And the card spoke of LIFE. That's what I kept seeing on it.. over and over again, the word LIFE.



That's what I now had to believe for. LIFE-- Abundant life. Through this-- on the other side!


So here we are... one year later. We have journeyed through cancer not only once... but twice with Peter. He was diagnosed with a 2nd type of cancer in July. Again this visitor made it's way back in.

And we are still on this journey---

holding hands
moving forward
believing.....

FOR LIFE!

Along the way....

We have seen so much beauty in others-- and in their love toward us.
We have seen rainbows of promise.
We have seen our children... live and love-- in the midst of cancer.
We have seen that some of the darkest and most difficult days still carry a light of hope.
And we have seen the goodness and faithfulness God walk alongside us....every single step of the way.

I do believe that there will be an end to this journey. That cancer will leave our lives... just as it came in.

And that this journey will serve some greater purpose in each of our lives.. in a way that will only be revealed as we continue to live.

When I asked God to show me a rainbow... He showed me several. But they were photos. Being a photographer.. those photos have been powerful.

And He had been showing me MANY in the sky for weeks...until I asked for one.
That's when I began to see photos of rainbows!

He's showed many of YOU rainbows in the sky... my son Colin included.

But somehow I believe ... that when Peter is healed. When he is cancer-free..
That's when I'll get my rainbow in the sky --

So I keep looking-- everyday!

Our journey continues...

The mountains are getting a little steeper and the Giant is trying to hide.

We take each day-- one day at a time.
We pray
We hold each other tightly--
We cry

We still laugh--
We live
and we believe - Always!

There is so much to do--- I stay up late. If Peter can do radiation and chemo-- I can loose sleep to get it all done.

I have strength-- and God is with me! He is always with me!

My friend Cindi asked me to put this together---

a family photo--



You are free to copy it-- paste it- print it... whatever you like. And when you look at it---maybe you can say a little prayer.

Your prayers are like rain--- the refresh and strengthen us! They water our souls.

They are life!

And we are so grateful! Thank you...!

pati

I can see the other side...

It's out there! I know it!

This week has felt busy... so much to do in such a short time. There has been no treatment this week. We're waiting... for things to start. Radiation-- more chemo.

I know what's coming... the days will be full of challenge!

But just like these little guys... I'm looking to the other side--- keeping it in my mind's eye.
Holding onto it-- with a firm grip!


I know we'll get there!

I am really trying to get some basics done-- a good clean home, food in the freezer. And I'm also really trying to finish my official photography website. I am SO close! So it's coming - very soon---- before things get a little crazy!

Thank you all for choosing to share in this with us--- in any small way.

So thankful!

Pati

Here we go...

"On the long journey of human life, faith is the best of companions..."

Siddhartha

Here's the Plan....

I know this is a photography blog----- designed to share my journey through life as a photographer.....

But as most of you know my husband was recently diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time.
So we are facing this battle twice within the last 6 months. What a year this has been-- what a journey. So I wanted to share with you the plan.

The greatest blessing is that this 2nd cancer is different. It is NOT the same type of cancer that he just finished treatment for......... And that, for us, is our miracle!!

You see, if it was the same type of cancer-- my husbands options for treatment would be extremely limited... mostly a very invasive facial surgery.

But somehow.. by the grace of God-- this cancer is different. It is rarely ever even found in the sinus cavity--- and it different! That opens up our treatment options tremendously. This cancer historically responds quite well to chemo therapy-- and that for us--- is our miracle!!

I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear this news and --how I feel that it is just one more way that God is saying, " I gotcha covered."

He gives me words like LIFE and BELIEVE-- and he shows me rainbow and clouds and fire. He has ever begun to show rainbows to many of you as well. There are a few people now who have shared with me how they were thinking of my husband-- and then they saw a rainbow.

This continues to give me greater faith.

And one thing that amazes me is that I would never have imagined that I would fall more head over heals in love with God--- through facing cancer with my husband.

Not through material blessings or easy living or even achieving my dreams----- but instead through adversity and challenge and through mustering up the greatest amount of faith I have ever had to have in my life! It's one of those mysteries.

We have a long journey ahead of us... my husband begins Chemotherapy on Monday and will walk a path that is nothing short of courageous... and heroic as he fights for LIFE.

But what I have come to see is that this fight is really not ours alone-- you all have been there in some small way-- praying for us or caring for our needs.. encouraging us, and letting us know we are loved. There have so been many beautiful demostations of love that have made a difference! It has been an unbelievable gift! Thank you all so much!

We are truly grateful !

Bless you All--Pati

What Cancer Cannot Do

My time has been so limited to blog lately, but as you all know our family has been facing cancer.

I was talking to a friend last night and I was reminded of this poem-- or statement. I read this at the funeral of one who's life was taken by cancer.

It is a strong reminder of what this disease is incapable of. I thought I would share it today---

What Cancer Cannot Do

It cannot cripple love
It cannot dissolve faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Facing the Giant....

So we recieved news from the surgeon that Peter's tumor is cancerous.

We don't know what type exactly-- but yes.... it is cancer.

I can honestly say that I am so thankful that Peter and I had this entire past week to really try to process this whole matter and be sort of prepared for the news we heard today.

So now it is a fact. We're facing the giant... again.
Interesting that Colin's youth group just watched this movie "Facing the Giants" on Sunday night.

We are still waiting to hear more about cell type, treatment recommendations....
and I will also say that Peter is investigating some alternative treatments as well. We will certainly keep you posted and your prayers are always so deeply appreciated.

Peter is doing well overall. He amazes me actually. He continues to work and serve others in their health needs with a great attitude. He trusts God.

When I got home from our office after hearing the news... I went out to our backyard. You see, every time it rains, I now always look for a rainbow. Tonight it had rained... so I was looking. Especially tonight... I needed another rainbow.

I was standing near our pool looking into the sky.... I actually imagined God like the ""google earth" camera... thinking that He could see me looking upward and zoom right in on me.
I just kept thinking, come on Lord, now would be a great time for another rainbow...please?

Just then, my youngest, Lissy walks out into the backyard.. and the conversation goes something like this.

Lissy: Whatcha doin?

Me: Just looking for rainbows. I look for them everytime it rains now.

Lissy: well it's still raining, maybe there's one over there.


Well, I didn't see a rainbow, so I walked into my house and sat at my computer.

Right on my computer screen [I am not kidding] --- was this:

I did a double take-- honestly! I thought, Where did this come from?"

I read the words, "Don't give Up - Beleve"

Little Lissy-- I guess she had put this together on for her mommy earlier that afternoon.. while I was at the office. Can you believe that? I couldn't believe it...Out the mouth of babes..

OK... so then I begin to just cry and cry--- but they were tears of hope. Continued hope!

I knew that God had just spoken through my child... saying-- "don't give up--beleve"
and there were my rainbows! (she even mispelled the word believe) how cute is that?


How she thought in her little heart to put that together... and to even say "Don't give up" --- well, I'm speechless.

So the rainbow in the sky-- I've yet to see. But oh how God has given me so many rainbow photos... and since I'm becoming a photographer-- this means alot.

So yes.. we face the giant... and it is serious. We all know this as a family.

But our family also knows that God is bigger. That we can focus on the cancer and let it consume us, or we can focus on God and face the giant WITH HIM.


Everything in my being knows and believes that God is with us.. and that He will fight this battle.
He continues to give hope at every turn. Every bit of bad news has been met with a rainbow.. or a scripture that always leads in this direction...


So Yes Lissy--- we won't give up--- we will "beleve"!





P.S. I also had a very close friends Len & Michell share a "rainbow" story with us regarding our family. They were driving to Prescott when they had just recieved a phone call telling them that regarding Peter--- that it looked like the tumor was cancer. They hung up the phone and were just about to begin to pray for us-- when all of a sudden they saw a rainbow in the sky.
Len even had to pull over to take a photo for us -



I can't do anything but continue BeLIeVE......


Pati